The indecison

Ottawa, Sunday, 26th November

 

I dont know why am I writing this piece. I cant call this a mail as I dont think I am going to send it to anyone. Nor am I a member of any blog or forum where you speak out in the void, where your voice reverberates till eternity. Its just to capture my thoughts so that they are not lost unheard. Its irony that nobody is going to hear it, but still it will be heard. Heard by my other mind.......

 

these days my mind is running unexpectedly fast. Its like a man who is not hungry but thirsty and searching for water. Every passing moment is taking him a step closer to death. He is runing fast, searching in avenues and places where he hasnt gone till date. My condition is a bit different. The man knows what he needs. I dont. Days in & out, I have been thinking of wat do I need in life. Thoughts keep wandering in all possible directions, but everytime I fail to get a conclusive answer. Time is fast fading out. Life has come to an abrupt halt.

 

Since the day I was born, I am getting things very easily. I never had to fight hard for anything. After travelling on an easy straight road of life for past 24 years, I now stand at a junction where this straight road is divided and goes into many directions. The ease and smoothness is no longer there. Now, its the time for decision. Let me spell out the roads.

 

The frirst road is the traditional one where I marry, have kids, and continue living the same life I am living now. Agreed that I do feel the need of a partner, but I am not yet ready to take up the responsibilities of a family.

 

The second one is to continue with my studies, which further divides into MBA, or M-Tech.

 

The third one says, start your own business.

 

Fourth, leave everything. Start social work. You dont need much money to sustain yourself. If you are not good for yourself, atleast be beneficial for the society.

 

There are many other crossroads as well which I dont fully know about. I guess I am wandering away from the topic......

Coming back to it.........but I am lost. I forgot. My mind is devoid of any thoughts. I will have to start all over again. This is causing immense pain. My heart is already crying. I am sobbing with every breathe. Help me out, Someone, in the dark, please come to light and guide me through these troubled waters. I am dying, my very existence is at stake. Please..........